I sit here writing, with a whirl wind of thoughts, emotions, and energy running through my being. I have been through a lot in my life. There have been many situations, which have taught me phenomenal life lessons and truly shaped me into the woman I am today. You do not find yourself, and truly understand yourself, until you are pushed passed the boundaries of your comfort zone. You know, that zone that you have never even thought about, let alone pictured yourself conquering? Yeah. That one.
However, these past few days were beyond challenging. The events that has transpired, the feelings that have surfaced, and the roller coaster ride of emotions, have been exhausting. I knew I had to write simply for that reason. There is too much going on. Too much to feel. Too much to say . Too much to release…and way too much to learn. For all of us. Whenever I write, I use my situations, experiences, and lessons- to relate and apply them to the whole. To all of us. Things that are uniform through out all of us, throughout life. When I was upset the other day, my brother reminded me that I need to “practice what I preach.” That Imperfectly Perfect, and what I stand for as a human being, is about conquering adversity. It is about using your life lessons and taking the positive out of each one. So here we go,
First, to set the tone for my life at the moment, I have been preparing for a massive fundraiser for the past 6 months. I don’t think anyone who does not plan this kind of event, really understands what goes into it. Picture a wedding (all of the decorative pieces, design, vendors and more) are included, PLUS the business aspect of it, which is even bigger than the design. Of course, I don’t have to do an event with this many intricate details, but I want to. I like that people have a good cause to be a part of, if even for a night. I love meeting new people, collectively helping others, and really being able to impact other people’s lives through the funds raised. It is just a lot to manage, especially while working full time! Thankfully, the small team I have, is a great one. Which is my first piece of gratitude.
In the course of your life, many people will come and go. There will be people that you instantly like, some people you do not, people that you don’t get a good vibe from at first- but who grow on you, and people who you outgrow and have to release in order to create space for others. My first piece of gratitude is for the people who you can count on. The people whose presence in your life, truly make all of the difference. They are so far and few between, that when you recognize them, make sure you let them know how valuable they are to you. Be grateful for them. Lets call these, the Nicole’s & Echo’s of your life.
Funny enough, that relates to my second piece of gratitude. Lets back track a little though. So, as I am getting closer to my fundraiser (3 days to be exact) and trying to handle all of the last minute details, I get a call from my dad. He tells me that my ex-boyfriend, a true love of my life, passed away. I was not with him since my surgery in the end of 2016, but I was for the 5 years prior. Regardless, he was my very best friend. He taught me about life, love and friendship and that is what needs to be honored as my second piece of gratitude; True connection. The magic that can happen between two souls. You never know when someone will enter your life, who will completely transform it. You also don’t know how long that presence, that being, will last. T passing, completely hurt my soul. So much that I don’t know how people get through the death of a loved one, but they do. It made me think about how I am going to push through and then it occurred to me. I am going to use our memories, our life, our love- to fuel my future. To make him proud of the woman I am, the wife I will become, and the mother I will be. I am going to choose to let him live on through me, because as long as I remember our connection, our magic; then he still exists.
So on top of planning this event and getting the news of T’s passing; I now had to execute this massive event. I had to put on a smile when my soul was crying. This was the single handedly the hardest thing I have ever been through, and ever felt, in my life. I am not referring to any specific detail, but the juggling of events, emotions and life itself. I have never been so happy one moment, and so sad the very next. It got me thinking, and writing, about the human experience. How quickly time goes. The reality of death. The inner strength, and focus, needed to get through challenging situations. The boundaries of life and how to overtake them…and it came to this.
My final piece of gratitude, which is to be present in every moment, be grateful, and never take anything for granted. Life is a very funny thing, and what makes it funny, is that you never know when things are going to change. In any moment, your entire life can be completely altered. Your life as you know it, will change, and you must adapt. People will come and go, situations will vanish, and different circumstances will be part of your evolution. The only thing you have for 100% certain, is your present. This is why we need to choose to be grateful. If we are grateful for each moment, and find the positive in any situation, then we will always be at peace. We can never look back with regret. Our memories, and our heart, will always remember the truth in each moment, each connection, each memory.
The conclusion I have come to with all of the recent situations in my life, is that the only option to successfully navigating through life, is to keep reinventing yourself. To take every situation, experience and challenge to learn, adapt and re-create your being. To push your boundaries, and conquer the unimaginable. I know that we all have our own situations in life, but the one thing everyone has in common is time. With time brings aging, experience, celebration, loss, and evolution (or so we hope). I think we are all a lot similar than many of us realize, and in my opinion, that too needs to be honored.
That similarity, that understanding that we are all identical in our foundation. There is so much going on that I think if we all get closer to the same page, this world and the people in it, will really benefit. If we are all undoubtedly the best version of ourselves, then wouldn’t we naturally only help and support each other? Wouldn’t every situation, of two souls crossing paths, be extraordinary? I think so.
In conclusion, I want to end that life is most definitely a gift. A magical, unpredictable, and forever changing, gift. Every single person on this earth, has the choice to either dance in their magic, or pout in their regrets. Do not go to bed without telling those around you that you love them, do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today, and definitely never take a single moment for granted. It is okay to have a lot going on, it is okay to not have things figured out, and it is equally alright to miss those people and experiences in your past. What matters most, is how we navigate through this crazy path. The ups and the down, the celebrations and the failures, the loved and the lost.